If I could tell it to you, you got the wrong girl to lecture about love and positivity.

I wouldn't have been easily furious. I do know what I'm talking about.

Yes, you read me right (daily). But you rated me rather inaccurate.

Not that I am saying that you are wrong. But here's something else, give it a thought.

Some people have it hard in the heartbreak department. That's why I said some people are really blessed when they had it easy. What you said was quite arrogant and proud. I congratulate that your singledom period is shorter than mine (and mine is still counting) but spare some thoughts. The least is you can be neutral (about it), if not encouraging. Don't rub it.

Again, I would like to emphasized that some had it really hard. I am not repeating it and repeating it and so it became the truth and it will be harder to overcome it. I do so because that is literally what it is. It is the simplest fact. And I am coming from the daughter of a woman who has been abused physically and emotionally. Despite all that, she's still a champion in her own ways. She forgot to love herself, but she is smart enough to be able to raised us with good food on the table and provide us with decent education.

Not to mentioned the other girls I know who have been down the same road as well. Whereas you the men are supposed to be our protector. But most women were able to pulled it out because of the two of among other things God has given to us --- endurance and tears. Which is why women are able to carry a living in her womb for nine months and it's a life-and-death moment when she gives birth. I am not saying men do not have their own hard time as well. They have to make ends meet, and if they are not able to fulfill that, who will? Don't get it started with how it is going now ... for some men out there, wow... you do really have it easy.

It all goes back to men, and will eventually goes back to women as well. We need each other.

And I never underestimate the power of tears. When there is no one else out there and there's only HIM --- there's always tears, the closest thing you can get as a physical companion.

I am just saying, some people had it really, really hard. And women, with all the love that we can spare to others, we almost always forget to love ourselves first.

i promised myself a karaoke session once i broke up. the dark room, the music out loud and you screamed out loud too, golek-golek atas sofa, minum Coke sampai high (konon-konon). tak kisah lea berteman atau tidak, tapi bila dengan kawan-kawan perempuan ada sekali memang lebih bermakna, lebih euphoria, lebih segala-galanya.

walaupun semalam banyak yang dinyanyikan adalah lagu-lagu gembira, melompat-lompat atas sofa (ya, bukan bergolek-golek), menjerit-jerit macam Fergie dan Adele, menari, menari dan menari tapi sedikit sebak dalam hati. the dancing part set it off. teringat kali kedua berjumpa Hadri, terus buat kerja gila. seronok tak terhingga. ditemani, dilayan dan dijaga. sentiasa gembira bila dengan Hadri, walaupun untuk masa itu sahaja.

memang tak menangis langsung berpisah dengan J. menangis cuma atas dua perkara --- sokongan rakan-rakan yang memang terus mata jadi air terjun, dan bila rindukan Hadri. tapi semenjak semua ini berlalu, Hadri lebih dingin. terlampau dingin, in fact. teringin betul nak berkawan semula. tolonglah, tak difikirkan lagi tentang perhubungan. cukup-cukuplah buat masa ini (ecewah, macam ayat artis yang ditulis dengan tipu oleh wartawan dalam Pancaindera.... lulz).

telah dijangkakan, J macam Lee dan Hadri macam Tagg. situasi berulang semula. mengenali Hadri dahulu dan mungkin ada sesuatu. tapi Hadri tidak mengatur langkah selepas apa yang berlaku. sibuk dengan kerja. sibuk ya amat. sibuk sangat. hm, itu alasan biasa dituturi mana-mana perempuan yang memberi alasan kepada diri sendiri, "dia sibuk dengan kerja, tapi i tak kesah sangat lea... i pun (sibuk dengan kerja jugak)." tipu. lain kali jangan beri alasan pada diri sendiri lagi dan apabila berkongsi cerita dengan kawan-kawan perempuan kamu. dan jika lelaki itu mahukannya, dia akan usaha sendiri. jika tidak, take the hint. semudah itu, tak payah rujuk majalah-majalah khas untuk kaum wanita atau Google (yup, guilty as charged. buang masa je semua tu!)

dan seperti dahulu juga, J yang seperti Lee, dari golongan yang intense, semuanya berlaku dengan pantas. ya amat (pantas). terus ucap kata cinta, indah untuk seminggu yang pertama, kemudian MIA, bergaduh, gembira semula, kemudian MIA, batalkan temujanji lima, sepuluh minit sebelum atau empat, lima jam kemudian, main vigorous reverse psychology, ditempelak, MIA, bergaduh, berpisah, menangis tergolek sampai tak bernafas kemudian pengsan bila memujuk dan akhirnya ...

setelah mengetahui apa yang Lee buat selama ini, masa tu hati terdetik, the only guy i wanted to be with is Tagg. selepas kami (Lee and i) berpisah, the sole mission is to find Tagg. my only iron cast reason is his birthday. buat kad sendiri. Tagg memuji tak henti. dia juga beriya mengira ada tiga puluh lapan hati dilukis di depan, di dalam dan di belakang kad --- "apakah maknanya?" dia bertanya. masa tu rasa inilah dia lelaki yang mahu dihabiskan hidup bersama.

tapi jodoh setakat empat tahun. kami lebih rapat semasa sama-sama susah. semakin keadaan bertambah baik, perhubungan menjadi semakin renggang.

jadi saya agak fobia dengan apa yang telah dilalui sebelum ini. walaupun hati ini meruntun merindui (Hadri).

Do you know that, ade orang tatap your profile picture as if one is cradling a framed picture, cooing about how handsome you looked?

Looked, not zahir-ly handsome ... lulz

Anyways, there is someone reading your every story. You mean that much to her but you're the ship that has long sailed.