oh yes, i hate him that much. very much. i relish in it.

it's weird that i find myself still thinking about him when i am not even retrieving it from my memory to think about him. he will suddenly just popped up effortlessly in my mind and i go whoa to myself, 'really, you want me to think about him right now?'

zip it, Mind, pleeeease.

but last night, i dreamt of being chased by huge black panthers. they're really sleek and muscular, magnifique but terrifying. so i Googled what the heck a dream of being chased means -- something that you're trying to avoid, bla, bla, bla.

"You may be avoiding something painful, annoying or fearful."

Richard Nicoletti, J.D.

okay, i try to relate this to work, i am in some kind of a deep shit right now but i'm picking it up, albeit the demotivation sometimes but this has to roll or else -- i am not avoiding this. so it is not about work, i ruled this one out. but i do admit that i am actually relentlessly not wanting to think about him. he really makes me sick. like now i can truly, literally feel how when you think of someone and it makes your stomach sick, oh yeah, my tummy really threw tantrums at the thought of him.

so zip it, Mind, please.

in my defence, there's so many things and more from where it came from that could make you hate him if you were in my shoes. he may be nice to you and you have nothing against him, that's fine with me. but you were not in my shoes and in my defence, the fault is 100% his. all my girlfriends told me the same, general advices when i was down but when i finally shared with them the details -- ooh, they all feel like murdering him too.

and it's really funny and amusing when arwah sr (yup, the one from Breakuprexia) referred to him by the same title, "sorry lah, aku rasa arwah jr tu makin desperate." 

LOL. and i thank my arwah sr endlessly for not even mentioning his name. 

i wish you death, and suffering and torments, and death. in your next relationship. bye.

it'd be nicer if it's pig instead ...

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when you come around my age, or after you've battled through some of the worst sh*twrecks, you don't really want to talk about it. you hated talking about it. 

i tried to be nice, i really did. but it was easier to hate. it was faster though a bullet to your brain would be preferable. then again, this kind of hate is in a good way.

why would you want to try to be nice when you're actually condemning yourself, "is it me? was it really my fault? was i clingy? did i smothered him too much?"

moi: dia cakap i didn't smother him too much. F1: dia LUPA!

bahaha.

anyways, here's a more justified answer, "his actions didn't warrant me enough to feel comfortable."

my girlfriends are not stupid. i wasn't too.

but we were afraid. and believe it or not, we were not afraid about letting go, we were afraid of the pain. and we weren't looking for sympathy shoulders from our girlfriends, telling us what to do or advising us what's next -- we only wanted to come apart only in the presence of those we trusted.

and we never wanted to cry, ever. but to HIM, you poured out everything, and current flows through your every veins, turning the tap counter-clockwise.

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at the moment i feel like this is a very fond memory and it is fifteen days shy from its fourth anniversary. and i am also still flattered that going four years strong, when you typed 'Breakuprexia' on Google search, my post still came out first.

and how many times did my eyes rolled after finished reading each paragraph. lulz ... yours truly is still that Manhattanite-NY-sucker, Kleenex-loving, Ari Gold-worshipping blairwaldorfette at heart.

four years now and it's kind of sad that i am still talking about break up... blogging about break up. then again, just like any new release, i believe in the latest version with its notable improvements.

*konon cue macam 'That Effing Show' but sorry, i don't have my senior sexual correspondent to illustrate it... you know where he's busy at... je vous adore, Faiq SK*

but first, i would again, like to point out that this word -- breakuprexia -- is picked out from Plum Sykes' 'Bergdorf Blondes, a novel' (oui, rupanya susur galur ke-blonde-an saya adalah sejak tahun 2005).

notable improvements --

• to rant and rage in private, with close friends via WhatsApp and behind locked tweets.
• to ...

okay, i forgot the other two. initially i typed this post in my iPad and then, due to my brilliant blondeness, i made the post disappear and it could never be recovered again. tragic.

let's move on.

here's a conversation -- F1: make sure you have your emergency list when you break up. moi: i do. i have my girlfriends on standby. F1: your girlfriends will be there, of course. i'm talking about men -- make sure they are around to keep you happy.

don't take that too literally and don't get carried away -- we all know it's just rebound.

i would like to fondly quote another friend --

umur kita ni, Suraya... dah tak layak nak bersedih-sedih...

sweet.

break up is still hard and i take this very seriously because it is one, very opportunistic window to lose yourself.

here's how to not prolonged it --

when you break up with someone, it is only with ONE person. you still have your friends, your family and especially yourself. and when having your girlfriends on standby -- it is not to mopped about the break up, but to have fun with them. do the spa, the mani-pedi, the karaoke session. then only you sit down together afterwards and bitch about it over chips, Coke or coffee. take the break up like a man, i would (highly) recommend.

when you break up with someone, the world shattered for a while. but you have HIM. He Promised that you can take whatever is being thrown at you. and to think that there are girls who have been traumatised worse.

when you break up with someone, compare yourself with those who had to go through a divorce procedure, who had to surrender to the fact that everything they have built together have come apart. 

additionally --

when i broke up, i actually do find myself liberated despite the misery. the luxury to be able to have choices and to make your own decision. the fact that i can actually afford to be happier. this is where 'you deserved better' came from and out of loving yourself foremost.

when i broke up, there are things that i'd like to tweet to provoked the ex because it's funner than taking the high road. but then it will be the way Sara Bareilles sings it --

If I make it at the thought of you, what for? It's not me anymore ...

*i endlessly thank @syazwinasaw for tweeting this song as a recommendation*

when i broke up, the best comment was, "you just broke up? you don't look like it at all. i stalked your timeline." 

don't listen to Adele and Yuna. the latter's even worse, especially 'Decorate'. i find myself being thrown in and plunged even deeper into the black hole that i just won't stop scrambling out of it because i don't need this.

and to be honest, i was actually really, really afraid. i was scared that i wouldn't be able to handle the pain, the rage and going through the what-ifs. know what i did? i asked it out loud -- what if i couldn't get through this?! -- like literally taking it off my chest which it has been hanging on from day to day. and surprisingly, i felt much better and moving on was easier. true story, i guess you have to whined a bit.

and i know that i do not need to feed on praises and encouragement to keep walking away from the break up but when those came voluntarily from my close friends, it broke me down harder than the break up. a good kind of breakdown to know that they think i'm bigger than this -- this kind of impact lasts longer than the attention one gets from strangers/followers who responded to the self-pitying tweets (on top of that *imaginary* someone new).

hm. i think that's about it for version 2.

and i am working towards achieving BMI 21.9 for the -rexia look. thank you for the sweet DM compliment that you noticed i got thinner.

last words --

if he was deemed to be the best i've ever had, i look forward to meet that someone better.

and oh, here are the men of my emergency list. hiks.

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there was once a guru who, each time after someone sought for his advice and thanked him profusely for his wisdom, he would immediately go to the toilet, get on his knees and start scrubbing the floor vigorously.

when asked why he does this, he answered, "I need to get rid of my (building) arrogance..."

and he will scrubbed away the floors, clean up every inch of the toilet, until he feels that he has successfully conquered his own ego.

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If I could tell it to you, you got the wrong girl to lecture about love and positivity.

I wouldn't have been easily furious. I do know what I'm talking about.

Yes, you read me right (daily). But you rated me rather inaccurate.

Not that I am saying that you are wrong. But here's something else, give it a thought.

Some people have it hard in the heartbreak department. That's why I said some people are really blessed when they had it easy. What you said was quite arrogant and proud. I congratulate that your singledom period is shorter than mine (and mine is still counting) but spare some thoughts. The least is you can be neutral (about it), if not encouraging. Don't rub it.

Again, I would like to emphasized that some had it really hard. I am not repeating it and repeating it and so it became the truth and it will be harder to overcome it. I do so because that is literally what it is. It is the simplest fact. And I am coming from the daughter of a woman who has been abused physically and emotionally. Despite all that, she's still a champion in her own ways. She forgot to love herself, but she is smart enough to be able to raised us with good food on the table and provide us with decent education.

Not to mentioned the other girls I know who have been down the same road as well. Whereas you the men are supposed to be our protector. But most women were able to pulled it out because of the two of among other things God has given to us --- endurance and tears. Which is why women are able to carry a living in her womb for nine months and it's a life-and-death moment when she gives birth. I am not saying men do not have their own hard time as well. They have to make ends meet, and if they are not able to fulfill that, who will? Don't get it started with how it is going now ... for some men out there, wow... you do really have it easy.

It all goes back to men, and will eventually goes back to women as well. We need each other.

And I never underestimate the power of tears. When there is no one else out there and there's only HIM --- there's always tears, the closest thing you can get as a physical companion.

I am just saying, some people had it really, really hard. And women, with all the love that we can spare to others, we almost always forget to love ourselves first.

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i promised myself a karaoke session once i broke up. the dark room, the music out loud and you screamed out loud too, golek-golek atas sofa, minum Coke sampai high (konon-konon). tak kisah lea berteman atau tidak, tapi bila dengan kawan-kawan perempuan ada sekali memang lebih bermakna, lebih euphoria, lebih segala-galanya.

walaupun semalam banyak yang dinyanyikan adalah lagu-lagu gembira, melompat-lompat atas sofa (ya, bukan bergolek-golek), menjerit-jerit macam Fergie dan Adele, menari, menari dan menari tapi sedikit sebak dalam hati. the dancing part set it off. teringat kali kedua berjumpa Hadri, terus buat kerja gila. seronok tak terhingga. ditemani, dilayan dan dijaga. sentiasa gembira bila dengan Hadri, walaupun untuk masa itu sahaja.

memang tak menangis langsung berpisah dengan J. menangis cuma atas dua perkara --- sokongan rakan-rakan yang memang terus mata jadi air terjun, dan bila rindukan Hadri. tapi semenjak semua ini berlalu, Hadri lebih dingin. terlampau dingin, in fact. teringin betul nak berkawan semula. tolonglah, tak difikirkan lagi tentang perhubungan. cukup-cukuplah buat masa ini (ecewah, macam ayat artis yang ditulis dengan tipu oleh wartawan dalam Pancaindera.... lulz).

telah dijangkakan, J macam Lee dan Hadri macam Tagg. situasi berulang semula. mengenali Hadri dahulu dan mungkin ada sesuatu. tapi Hadri tidak mengatur langkah selepas apa yang berlaku. sibuk dengan kerja. sibuk ya amat. sibuk sangat. hm, itu alasan biasa dituturi mana-mana perempuan yang memberi alasan kepada diri sendiri, "dia sibuk dengan kerja, tapi i tak kesah sangat lea... i pun (sibuk dengan kerja jugak)." tipu. lain kali jangan beri alasan pada diri sendiri lagi dan apabila berkongsi cerita dengan kawan-kawan perempuan kamu. dan jika lelaki itu mahukannya, dia akan usaha sendiri. jika tidak, take the hint. semudah itu, tak payah rujuk majalah-majalah khas untuk kaum wanita atau Google (yup, guilty as charged. buang masa je semua tu!)

dan seperti dahulu juga, J yang seperti Lee, dari golongan yang intense, semuanya berlaku dengan pantas. ya amat (pantas). terus ucap kata cinta, indah untuk seminggu yang pertama, kemudian MIA, bergaduh, gembira semula, kemudian MIA, batalkan temujanji lima, sepuluh minit sebelum atau empat, lima jam kemudian, main vigorous reverse psychology, ditempelak, MIA, bergaduh, berpisah, menangis tergolek sampai tak bernafas kemudian pengsan bila memujuk dan akhirnya ...

setelah mengetahui apa yang Lee buat selama ini, masa tu hati terdetik, the only guy i wanted to be with is Tagg. selepas kami (Lee and i) berpisah, the sole mission is to find Tagg. my only iron cast reason is his birthday. buat kad sendiri. Tagg memuji tak henti. dia juga beriya mengira ada tiga puluh lapan hati dilukis di depan, di dalam dan di belakang kad --- "apakah maknanya?" dia bertanya. masa tu rasa inilah dia lelaki yang mahu dihabiskan hidup bersama.

tapi jodoh setakat empat tahun. kami lebih rapat semasa sama-sama susah. semakin keadaan bertambah baik, perhubungan menjadi semakin renggang.

jadi saya agak fobia dengan apa yang telah dilalui sebelum ini. walaupun hati ini meruntun merindui (Hadri).

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Do you know that, ade orang tatap your profile picture as if one is cradling a framed picture, cooing about how handsome you looked?

Looked, not zahir-ly handsome ... lulz

Anyways, there is someone reading your every story. You mean that much to her but you're the ship that has long sailed.

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Feeling shitty? Run errands. Don’t stay at home. Do whatever your mother told you to do. Review your pending to-do list.

I bought lunch at the place where I last studied. I don’t like that place at all, as much as I studied there and gotten to where I am today. It’s not only the place, I don’t like whoever that is there as well. But I went anyway, because my mum likes the ikan keli bakar there. Hence, I will do whatever my mother told me to do.

I had to go there to settle my dental bill. And I was flattered that the front desk lady knew me by name.

Before I headed to the stalls to buy lunch for home, I stopped at a photo shop to get my passport picture done. That is one item ticked off from my to-do list. I powdered my face earlier and put on mascara and spread my lips with balm. There was no one as I entered and I called out a ‘hello’. A lady appeared, and we get started.

She was helpful and all and as she was processing the photos, I told her I will come back to get some lunch.

I headed to the stalls and was pretty happy that there were not many people. It was the last weekend of the holidays so the students have not arrived yet from their hometown. I decided to find the first stall that has ikan keli bakar and that’s it. Turned out the first one was the one I used to frequent and it is still that same lady. I wrapped three of the fish and some fried Japanese beancurd in white egg gravy.

There was a grown man with Down syndrome who walked by. He said hello to the lady and the lady prompted him to pick up a plate. As he was deciding what to eat, he looked at me for a while and I smiled. He smiled back and said, ‘hi’. He tried to get friendly but it was more than just friendly. As I left, he gave me a flying kiss.

This is the usual case of, ‘dah bagi betis, nak peha.’

Eew.

When I came back for my photos, I was thrilled that it turned out nicely, thanks to ADOBE Photoshop – kah kah kah – my skin was flawless, yaw! The lady laughed too and she asked about where I got my lunch. I was surprised as the stalls are only a block away but I did it for the conversation anyway. I just want to smile a lot when I’m socializing, especially with strangers. Who will want only just that and not get all creepy. Sheesh.

Feeling shitty and if money is an issue –

·         Read a book – read whatever that you have been putting off. Pick up where you left off or start all over again. Delve in.

·         Cook – fix a small meal. Checkout inside the fridge, what’s available.  Create your own or scout for an almost similar recipe on the net. Take it easy, one thing at a time. No pressure.

·         Spring clean – wash the toilet. Scrub the floors and its walls. Rearrange your wardrobe. Sort what you can give away. No need big projects, just chores.

I find myself at Zen folding the laundry. Will be doing that that later.

xxx

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From: M
Sent: Wednesday, July 13, 2011 12:06 AM
To: moi
Subject: mooin

Ok Sue you see, ... there is this cat. (Hi by the way.) She lives in my neighborhood and.. well, you read Potter so you’ll understand what I’m talking ‘bout. She’s around.. almost every morning as I exit the house and walk to my car, I find her sitting here or there, like she’s waiting for somebody. Cunningly observing me walking by, cross-eyed, like I wouldn’t notice! I like her, said things like “there you are! good morning lil’ fella, feeling good today?” but so far.. she didn’t answer. One day she will and I won’t be surprised – you see, I don’t think it’s a normal cat anymore. The eyes just don’t fit. They are strangers eyes and I’ve stopped wondering already. I just mumble “morning Sue” to the cat with a little smile on my face and the day has begun good  So yeah, anyway.. thought I tell you that. The jig’s up Madame.

Good morning Sue  Hope your day has begun good as well. Enjoy the rest of it!
M

---

It was a bad start in the morning when I woke up and made my way to work. When I saw M's name in my inbox, I already have a draft of what I’m going to babble to him about how July has been unkind to me. But after I have finally read the mail, I laughed and laughed it off, ready to take the reins.

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I don’t expect people to believe it right away, I’m observing it myself. But when I feel an ultimate rush of sadness and I could even break down and cry, for no obvious reason, that would actually means that I’m partaking someone else’s sadness.

A girl’s sadness, that is.

Yesterday was one example. In fact, I discovered I was actually partaking three girls’ sadness at once.

We share tears. And we’re natural generator for it.

Do I think too much about it? I just can’t help the rush and incoming feel of it. The magnitude’s really strong. You can’t tell me to ignore it or tai chi it back. I couldn’t afford to do that, knowing myself.

I will take it all in. Sometimes, pain is good. I welcome it that much. I let the heart breaks to as many pieces as it wants. And I will pick up each piece, put it back together again. Because that’s what girls are. He Gave us the power of enduring, which is why women gave birth. We can withstand pain. That’s what we’re made of.

Please don’t ask me to compare or talk about what men can do. I believe He is Fair, I believe each of us has our own strength so go figure yours.

We’re made for this kind of pain. And we’re made of the stuffs that can bear it. He Promises that nothing He Put us through that we can’t pull out.

To which I will say it again, there is no better companion than tears, and He Says it so that tears are a woman’s companion. It’s a matter of how you use  all the facilities that He has put around you.

We will all be fine, love.

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Kucing kan kalau nak mati akan tinggalkan tuan dia, go somewhere, and die? What I always said to Moeli is, "If you're gonna die, don't go anywhere. Die in front of me. I will be with you."

Aku akan gila kot kalau dia hilang. Lebih baik dia mati depan aku.

Tiba-tiba menangis depan laptop. Aku ingatkan aku dah cool. Aku takkan menangis. Aku dah habis menangis.

All the while during the ordeal, aku tak fikirkan sesape pun inside my head. Malah, aku rasa senang that time tu aku boyfriendless. Sangat lega aku single. I don't think I could find a man yang boleh faham drama aku masa tu. Yang akan biarkan aku menangis. Yang takkan suruh aku berhenti menangis. Yang kalau tak faham pun, akan diam dan tak akan mengkritik. I don't think there's any man like that in the world. See, sebenarnya lelaki lagi kuat membebel.

However, masa tu aku rasa aku agak okay. Aku tak breakdown sesangat. Aku boleh tanya soalan-soalan normal macam, "Jo mana? Dah balik?" atau "You nanti lalu tol, kan?" Boleh ketawa dan merapu. But okay, lea. 85% tu aku rasa aku memang autopilot. 15% tu adalah di mana tiba-tiba aku burst sekejap and then aku paksa diri berhenti menangis. Masa Intan bagi aku 5 mins alone, aku cakap kat Moeli, "Give me one minute to cry out." Lepas tu aku rasa aku tak nak Moeli tengok aku menangis, I sucked it in back. "Okay, nanti I sambung menangis kat rumah." And I thanked her for waiting for me masa aku rushed from the office.

Oh ya, I noticed that, bila kucing dah nak mati, and aku bacakan Ayatul Kursi dengan Al-Fatihah, I can see immediate changes. Macam a few months back yang Yoomi mati, aku bacakan dua tu, and she breathed her last. And as for Moeli, her breathing toned down sikit. Like, a bit more manageable. Wallahu'alam, Tuhan Maha Kuasa.

Thank God for Kleenex too.

Before the first attempt to euthanised Moeli, Intan advised aku duduk luar. Aku cakap aku nak stay. Aku bukakkan Moeli's collar. Aku berjaya unbuckled it dengan tenang, aku risau kalau aku panik and breakdown and hated it if Hadzwan had to helped. So for that I congratulate myself, berjaya buat sendiri. Intan tak dapat cari vein on Moeli's foot, and Moeli dah start to get fit (final stage). Intan kata kena inject straight to the heart.

Nak buat under surgical lamp, masuk surgery room and again, Intan advised aku tak perlu ikut. Tapi aku nak. Aku dah janji aku akan ade dengan Moeli until her last breath. Intan risau it would look inhumane to me or aku akan breakdown sampai dia tak boleh nak administer the shot.

Tapi aku okay. And I saw how Moeli looked over bila aku masuk the surgery room. Aku rasa macam dia, well, expecting me.

I am worried about putting animals to sleep. Am I playing God? Astaghfirullah, aku tak ... well, aku just tak nak animal to suffer. Aku harap Moeli faham aku tak nak dia terseksa lama-lama. Aku teringat Marley and Me. Aku memang cepat menangis with anything that has got to do with animals and children. They are the last genuine innocence and utter loyalty on Earth before it got compromised or taken away by Him.

I stayed with Moeli. Right through her second shot as well. I know Intan knows what she's doing. I can't make her sampai second-guessed what she's doing. Aku rasa tak lea inhumane, it's just the way it is done. Moeli was okay. She's okay.

And aku stayed tengok Intan wrapped Moeli up. Bersihkan telinga, masukkan kapas dalam semua rongga, and balutkan dengan kemas for the burial. And I wrote Moeli's name on the sticker with her death date. I felt that I have sent her off in the most proper way I could.

Aku rasa aku berjaya cool and collected sebab aku tak ade masa Moeli first kena langgar. Kalau tak aku, hm. Tak tau lah.

Mum cakap Moeli was ran over by a car depan rumah. Mum nak park kereta into the haus and there was a white MyVi waiting. And according to Mum that car overtook her. Hm *tak faham*. Vavi lea MyVi putih tu. Lantak kau ah Tuhan nak balas macam mana. And the Indian neighbour boy was shouting his heart out to Mum about Moeli. "Two feet! Two feet!"

You see, masa aku sampai vet, Intan explained that Moeli dah paralyzed half down. Rektum terkeluar, normal, memang tak akan survived. So what the neighbour boy meant with, "Two feet!" is that, Moeli dragged herself in panic towards the haus and went under my car. She dragged herself, babe. With two hind legs yang dah paralyzed.

I wished Intan wouldn't tell Mum that Moeli feels pain. Nurlin said her mum said haiwan bila mati tak rasa sakit. Okaylah, itu bila nak mati. Whatever.

Aku berjaya cool bila Intan explained the diagnosis. Aku lega Moeli tak disfigured atau berlumuran darah or anything grotesque. Still in one piece. Just gasping like unnormal gasping. I thanked Mum and suggested her to go home. Masa tu aku rasa nak berseorangan. And aku pun tau, Mum tak sanggup go through. Dia kuat sebab aku je. Tapi aku sangat tau Mum tak sanggup, banyak benda berkenaan dengan sakit kucing selalunya aku yang buatkan, what more the one who broke the news to me about Moeli pun was Intan.

Tapi bila Mum said and kissed Moeli goodbye, time tu aku break.

Moeli to me, bila Shoobs tanya, I answered, "She's my cat." The way a guy would say, "She's my girl." And even though aku ade tujuh ekor lagi kucing (dua melata kelain, balik rumah bila perlu sahaja), Moeli is the reigning cat of the haus. Walaupun itu Luesi lah. As long as kepentingan Moeli on my lap or on my dining chair tak dikompromi, she's cool. She's a cool cat. Dia reti menunggu. Time makan dia alert. Time nak tido tak boleh blah, tak heran bila aku kacau.

Aku suka tau berangan nak buat Moeli tu cam Paris Hilton buatkan anjing dia. Letak dalam beg, bila aku tak habis makan, aku boleh bagi kat Moeli. Serius aku selalu terfikir nak buat mende-mende camtu. Bawak ke hotel ke restaurants bagai, sebab Moeli reti menunggu. But of course, only in the environment she's familiar of. Kalaulah dia dah dilatih sejak kecil, dia akan cool dan tak akan stress. Tapi kucing memang cepat stress, payah. And Moeli tak suka masuk dalam beg.

Atau pun aku berangan depan cermin with Moeli in arm, camane paparazzi nak tangkap gambar aku dengan Moeli pastu post kat Yahoo! omg! Moeli sentiasa terpaksa melayan aku dengan pissed offnya. Dah lea takde suara bile mengiau (manja). Expect aku buat audio khayalan sendiri.

Pompuan ni sengal. Tak nak makan kat luar macam lelain. Tunggu dihidang dalam rumah kat dapur, standby. Tunggu aje, cair lea nanti manusia yang lalu lalang, especially tuan aku, for sure dia akan bagi aku makan kat dalam punya.

She's an elegant cat. Banyak gambar dia dalam external harddisk aku yang dah crashed. Shoot.

Semalam last aku makan is tengah hari. Aku ingat aku nak makan lepas everything tapi... hm. Aku tak tau aku nak makan ke tak. Somewhat slightly trauma. Aku takut aku akan breakdown kot. Haunting and daunting.

Hm. Goobye you, great, great cat.

Moeli

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Ini adalah satu justifikasi.

Menangis tak bermaksud lemah. Menangis adalah untuk lepas lelah, bila dah habis kuat. Menangis itu adalah satu nikmat Tuhan bagi. Kalau korang tak reti guna, memang rugi.

Menangis itu nikmat, okey. Untuk aku yang kuat emosi dan layan kepala depresi, tak tau apa alternatif lain yang ada untuk aku kalau aku tak boleh menangis.

Menangis tau kalau tak boleh menangis.

But that doesn't mean bos marah sikit atau bergaduh dengan boyfie maka kamu menangis. If you want to cry, go and do it outside. More or less something that Kelly Cutrone said.

Don't let anyone see you cry. Because masa you menangis, time tu you paling vulnerable, paling fragile. Time tu kuat semua dah habis. You tengah recharge. A friend boleh temankan you time tu. Kalau takde pun, betullah Tuhan kata, memang literally, air mata tu peneman wanita.

So, it's okay to cry. Dan sebenarnya sakit kepala tau kalau tahan menangis. Boleh migraine. At least for moi.

And to you men, jangan kaget kalau kawan perempuan atau teman wanita atau tunang atau isteri anda menangis tiba-tiba. Itu fitrah perempuan. She's only doing what is absolutely natural to her. Bila stress ke, emotional, PMS, mood swings. Sometimes it's the hormones, okay. We go through effin' vicious cycle even we can't help ourselves with it. Tak larat.

Temankan saja kalau mahu. Tengokkan dari jauh pun takpe. It's just the space we have all been craving for when everything is closing on us.

Thank you for reading.

Suessy/Suraya

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